Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
