I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need water and some morals
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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