this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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