I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
