Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
