Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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