So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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