I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
being pregnant is like rehab
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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