She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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