i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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