My room smells like vodka and shame
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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