As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
