he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
