mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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