Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
