Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
