Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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