either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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