You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
