fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
