They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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