yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
