just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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