Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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