Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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