I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
