My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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