You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
