Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
