we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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