It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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