If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
