I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
