remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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