I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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