her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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