After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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