Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
