i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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