Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
