i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
