I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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