ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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