I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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