dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
