I hope mine doesn't look like that
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
