oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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