There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
