you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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