Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
