Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
